The heartbreak of witnessing

It's Saturday morning and I've been awake since 5:00. That's the only bad thing about having to wake up at 5:00 every morning for my job. I can't stop. As you may know, I've been witnessing to this girl at my work for the last few weeks. Yesterday was her last day in my building. And again, she stated her rejection of the gospel. It's truly heart-breaking. To witness to somebody and then to know that their end is probably hell is hard. I know and rejoice in that fact that God is sovereign and just and that she might very well be "a vessel of wrath prepared for destruction" through whom God will glorify Himself. But I still mourn over her end. I don't know exactly why God caused her to keep asking me questions. Maybe God will use it later in her life to draw her to Himself. Maybe it was to teach me how to have a broken heart for the lost, how to trust God more, and how to put off the flesh and obey God's Great Commission through my love for Him and a love for others. Praise God for His sovereignty. Praise Him that it isn't up to me to save somebody, but that it is entirely up to His calling. Praise God that I am so inadequate and so weak that it requires the strength and Word of God through my weakness to save. How amazing it is that He chooses to use jars of clay to carry the great gospel of His glory!

It seemed that every day I had the same lyrics running through my mind. They were from a Jason Morant song and said "O God, I will abandon myself as I worship You upon the throne. I will become a living sacrifice." I had two realizations about myself as I thought about these lyrics. The first is that my hesitation to witness was because I hadn't abandoned myself, but rather I was seeking the praise of men and not being hated for the sake of the gospel. I also realized that my worship of God can't stop with my hands being raised to Him, but must continue with my hands reaching out to others. If I truly love God, then I will seek to spread that love among all peoples. If I love God then I will obey His commandments, including the great commission, because true love and belief produces action and the doing of the good works that He has prepared beforehand for me.